By Kathy Eller, MusingAbout.ca
How often do we down play ourselves to fit in.
I was finding myself diminishing who I was to fit in. Don’t want to rock the boat. It’s like you are from a different planet if you shine your light to brightly.
So, mush of my lack of self confidence was lost trying to fit in. At this moment in my life I am finally accepting who I am. Bringing back the shine to my sparkle. This sparkle usually begins with a smile.
Back in the day I would dim my light if someone said for example: “You’ve got legs!”. This would be in reference to me wearing a skirt or a dress to work. As I was working to step out of my comfort zone of office gal slacks and cardigan. The comment would send me into what I thought was reality saying: “What do you think you are doing; you get back down there”. Tomorrow it will be pants again for again you young lady!
Another comment to diminish my sparkle would be; “Oh you wore your lips today”. For me, when I have colour on my lips it makes me feel good in a polished sort of way. I even remember my sister telling me that her husband didn’t think she should wear lipstick. I thought then – the day someone told me what I can do and what I shouldn’t do would be the last time for that nonsense. This is likely how I have stayed single all these years.
So now that I have made a big change in my life my sparkle is coming back. It’s just me a little different than some. Like Mary Oliver says, “We all have a hungry heart, and one of the things we hunger for is happiness. So as much as I possibly could, I stayed where I was happy”.
A big part of my current happiness is going outside to the beach collecting stones and the odd piece of sea glass. So yes, to another Mary Oliver thought, “There were times over the years when life was not easy, but if you’re working a few hours a day and you’ve got a good book to read, and you can go outside to the beach and dig for clams, you’re okay.”
I have come to believe that this world needs more sparkle, corny as that may seem. This big old world needs your smile. And it can be a Rosey lip coloured smile. Go for it- stand out be the messy weirdo- be the stand alone gal if you must. Just the other day I was in line at the post office and a gentleman returned his smile to me. It was so easy to exchange a smile. For sure we made each other’s day.
Like the saying goes: “What a great smile you should wear it more often”.
My thought for you today is to stay bright. Stop and give a thought to when you feel diminished by a relentless glare. Stop and tell yourself a different story about this moment. Maybe the glare is coming from admiration. The person wearing that glare, maybe wishing she too could shine her light like you do.
So why didn’t I take my own advice way back when? Someone could have said those things about your legs or lips out of being envious of your light. Well truth be told way back then I felt hopeless, invisible. No one needed to see me. Every time I decided to come out of my shell, I would zap back into my shell to hid. I was so afraid of being scene being found out about.
I’m hoping that with my stories you to will stop hiding. Don’t dim your shining light just to fit in. And don’t wait so long in life to realize this.
A way of coping with your messy feelings is by writing them down. Journaling sure has helped me. If you’d like to learn more about my journalling practices, come follow me on
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All my best,
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